


The Impossible Woman

by gothdeclanlynch



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Light Angst, and also 5am by amber run, and todays emotions are brought to you by to build a home by the cinematic orchestra, i just love my stubborn idiots, i just never see bluedam content so i decided to write it but now its sad and i am SORRY, this is sad but also soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothdeclanlynch/pseuds/gothdeclanlynch
Summary: "Do you remember those blueberry pies she used to make?”Adam’s eyes flitted to Blue’s and she was surprised to see the ghost of a smile on his lips as he nodded. “I think there was more butter and sugar in them then the blueberries themselves”.--------------Adam and Blue finally visit Persephone's grave together.
Relationships: Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Adam Parrish/Blue Sargent
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	The Impossible Woman

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings about Bluedam and I apologise for making y'all experience an emotion. Feel free to cry to me about it on tumblr or twitter @gothdeclanlynch

They didn’t really discuss it beforehand. They didn’t have to. It was one of those things they talked about without having to exchange a word. But a week before Blue left to traipse the rainforests of South America with Gansey and Henry, and a couple of weeks before Adam ventured off to Harvard, Adam pulled up in front of 300 Fox Way and they headed for Henrietta’s cemetery. 

Adam had thought to bring flowers, gardenias, specifically. They were pretty in a quiet sense, and they reminded Blue far too much of the woman they were bringing them for. She knew Adam had been visiting her every week. Adam knew she hadn’t visited at all. He had been courteous enough not to bring it up but it was very obvious when she had to follow his lead to get to the grave. 

Blue hadn’t avoided Persephone’s grave deliberately. At least not at first. She had just found it hard enough to see all the subtle reminders of her absence. She missed the god awfully loud music Persephone would play when she was working on her thesis. She missed her at readings, a knowing glance and a furrowed brow at the deck of cards in front of her. Blue had always felt when watching her work that she was seeing half of a conversation. Sometimes when she watched Adam communicate with Cabeswater, she saw the same knowing glance and concentration, and it felt like her heart might burst from the sheer ache of it all.

300 Fox Way felt like a collection of small reminders that there would always be something missing from that house. The cemetery looked like a very big reminder that Persephone was gone for good, and Blue hadn’t been able to stomach it yet. 

She hadn’t even realised they had approached her grave until Adam had stopped in front of her, suddenly enough that Blue had had to awkwardly side step around him to avoid a collision. And then there it was. The place Blue had avoided so fervently now standing directly in front of her. She realised with almost a laugh that she didn’t know what to do. She had been so caught up in the nauseating unease she had felt about coming that she forgot she didn’t know what people did when they visited graves. 

Adam seemed to sense her confusion so with a kind almost smile, he took a calm place on the grass in front of her gravestone and tilted his head to his side to instruct Blue to do the same. 

She wasn’t sure how long they sat there, side by side, Adam running his fingers over the flowers he’d carried from the car, Blue unmoving, but the quiet didn’t feel as suffocating as it did in Fox Way. She knew she should probably say something, if not to Persephone than to Adam, but everything felt too heavy to say out loud so she settled for the lightest thought she could produce. 

“Do you remember those blueberry pies she used to make?”

Adam’s eyes flitted to Blue’s and she was surprised to see the ghost of a smile on his lips as he nodded. “I think there was more butter and sugar in them then the blueberries themselves”. 

Blue let out a huff of air that almost resembled a laugh.

“The blueberries were definitely an afterthought”. 

“I don’t think anything was ever an afterthought with her”, Adam replied.

And just like that, it all came slamming back into her. 

_ Was _ . 

But then Adam’s hand rested gently on top of hers, sincere eyes meeting hers which said “ _ you don’t have to grieve alone _ ” and she remembered she wasn’t at this grave alone for a reason.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to using past tense.” She admitted.

Adam’s eyes drifted back to the headstone, in an attempt to give Blue some space to get the words out, but his hand in hers was the only thing that gave her the strength to finish the thought. 

“ There was so much of her all the time. It feels almost wrong to talk about her like there’s nothing left.”

“I think” Adam says slowly, and Blue can see him trying to find a way to word the thoughts in his head. “I think so long as we’re thinking of her, remembering her, keeping her alive in our minds, there will always be something left”.

“It’s not enough”, she replies quietly. 

“No” Adam agrees. “It never will be”.

It’s a couple of hours later when Blue brings it up. They’ve spent a good majority of the time talking all things Persephone; the things they miss about her, the things they miss a little  _ less. _ They laugh a little, there are more than a few lapses of silence where they sit in the content quiet, over thoughts they aren’t ready to verbalise yet and thoughts they may never be ready to. Blue is surprised to find she hasn’t cried yet, but she supposes she’s done it enough the last couple of months to make up for it. 

Adam’s hand has stayed firmly in hers and she knows she could never quite verbalise how much that means to her. The good thing about Adam is that she knows she’ll never need to. He already knows. 

She says it quietly, the low tone of her voice an olive branch to Adam that says “ _ you don’t have to respond if you don’t want to” _ . It’s something he’s always admired about Blue, her ability to speak directly from the heart without expecting anything in return. 

“She was so proud of you, you know.”

In typical Adam fashion, he remains quiet. And in typical Blue fashion, she seems unperturbed by the silence and continues.

“I can’t count all the times I’d walk into a room and find her quietly gushing about the latest psychic ability you’d tapped into or the innovative trick you’d come up with to communicate with Cabeswater.”

Blue looks off into the cemetery, partially as a kindness to Adam to let him process the words she’s saying outside of her perception, but also because she’s worried she might lose her nerve if she looks at him. 

She finds she loses her nerve trying to say kind things to Adam more often than she would like. There’s always been something too raw and fearful in his eyes when she says them, and when Blue looks at him for too long, her heart feels too heavy and her mouth feels too dry to get the words out. 

“Sometimes, she’d come into my room and sit with me on the bed. A lot of the time she wouldn’t say anything, we’d just lie there in the quiet. I think she always knew when everything felt like it was too much, and she knew I was too stubborn to ever say anything about it.” 

Adam let out a quiet huffed laugh, and squeezed her hand, silently letting her know he was listening and Blue took the encouragement to at least try and get to her point.

“One of those rare times we were talking, it was about you.” 

Blue’s voice goes quiet again as she admits, “It was the week before she died”.

“I asked her if she was ever worried that we’d never quite figure out what Cabeswater needed. That your sacrifice at Cabeswater would ultimately be for nothing, and after everything, we’d never even find Glendower. 

She hesitates for a second before proceeding. “I was in my head a lot after mom disappeared.” 

“But she said no. Persephone was good at that I guess, seeing right through to the heart of a person. You’re good at it too.”

“She said that you’d figure out what Cabeswater needed for the same reason you sacrificed yourself to Cabeswater in the first place. You’d do it because you knew it had to be done. She said your greatest strength was your tenacity, and that your hunger and drive to be better, to do better, for yourself, for the people around you, was something she had spent her whole life trying to possess and never quite succeeding. She said that so long as you wanted something, there was nothing on this earth that’d ever really stop you. ”

“The last thing that she ever said to me about you was this. She said, ‘ _ Adam Parrish is an impossible boy who does impossible things in impossible ways _ ’. And she was right. 

It was then that Blue realised three things. Firstly, that at some point over the course of her speech, her eyes had come to meet Adam’s. Secondly, that at another point, Adam had begun to cry. And finally, that upon realising these first two, Blue also began to cry. 

And that’s how they stayed, until the sun began to set and they were required to take their leave from the cemetery. Heads tilted together, hand in hand, an impossible boy and an equally impossible girl mourned the loss of an impossible woman. 

  
  
  



End file.
